A simple question for getting better at teamwork
To put it bluntly, we know that sometimes sh!t happens. When something goes wrong, the easy thing to do is to point fingers at someone. People would do all sorts of things to avoid getting pointed at, and while that seems reasonable, it can create additional friction to interpersonal relationships at work.
The problem is our tendency to blame other people. Finger-pointing leads to fear of committing failure, restricting freedom and creativity, which in turn generates feelings of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
Let’s say someone messed up big time in a way that negatively impacts you. Being angry and wanting to blame the person is the initial natural reaction, but what one does from that point on makes a great difference.
“Blame is just a lazy person’s way of making sense of chaos”
Before we go any further, it’s important to remember to take these things with empathy. We all come from various backgrounds and are in different stages of life. For instance, someone who tends to blame others could have been raised by abusive parents who punished every mistake growing up. Others may be at a stressful point in their life or might simply be having a bad day. Always be kind and empathetic, as we never know what people are going through.
Regardless of the reasons that lead people to have this attitude, there are no excuses for not improving as human beings. We know that blaming is the easiest thing to do, but as with many things in life, easy doesn’t equal good. It’s effort and discomfort that bring the most satisfactory outcomes.
“When you point one finger, there are three fingers pointing back to you.”
The first step would be to realize that nobody is perfect, including yourself. Accept the fact that you are not perfect despite your best intentions and effort. Generally, we lack the ability to be our own critics without falling into the negative extreme of the self-esteem spectrum. We have learned that avoiding any introspection altogether is safer. However, when we are pointing fingers at others, we say more about ourselves than about the one who did wrong.
So how do we get better at teamwork? It’s a matter of asking a simple question:
How can we prevent this from happening again in the future?
→ If you are part of the conversation and see how someone is being pointed at, stop being a mere spectator and ask the question. People will be shocked when you ask it. It’s commonly something that—if asked—comes after many hours wasted discussing and shaming, so you will be skipping the protocol. You will need to lead them into finding a solution without leaving chances for any further blame. Getting involved can feel unnecessary from a selfish point of view. Still, it will bring you more contentment and gratification down the line.
→ If you tend to finger-pointing, next time you feel the urge to do it, take a minute to reflect, take a deep breath and ask the question. Of course, sometimes the problem affects you in a way that you don’t deserve. You may lose money or time because of someone else’s mistake. You will feel the need to release all the tension that your body built up. In that case, you can write a note with what you would like to tell the person who did wrong. Write every insult that you know if necessary, then delete the document and move on. It is effortful but effective.
“Small-minded people blame others. Average people blame themselves. The wise see all blame as foolishness.”
Practicing this technique can prove challenging. I have been applying it to my personal and work relationships for almost a year. Although I have seen substantial improvement, sometimes it’s complicated not to be carried away by anger. That’s why being aware is the first step, and we all must try our best to collaborate and help each other rather than compete.
In my experience, the benefits of avoiding blame outweigh the initial difficulty of leaving ego and anger behind. The energies that would otherwise go into investigating who’s responsible and the consequent blame are now invested in a more collaborative environment. Your relationships will flourish, and everyone will feel better with themselves. It may sound utopian, but it’s worth trying.
